Of Cats and Rats
by knives4cash
Summary: Blake and Yang take a romantic walk through the woods. Hilarity ensues.


I am, without a doubt, the very definition of studious. I get my work done on time. My grades are perfect. I attend the student events. I even help Yang maintain an A- in all of her classes! That is a feat that no one else could possibly undertake. "Yang."

She blinks rapidly and looks up at me. I'm leaning over her shoulder, and this is the fifth time that I've had to snap her out of her daydreams. "Maintain focus."

Nodding, she apologizes. "Right, sorry." She leans back into the study table set up in the middle of our dorm. "Can you help me with this problem?" She taps the logarithm with her pencil to specify.

"It's simple," I answer. "If X is equal to log base five of one-hundred and twenty-five, that means in english: How many times does five have to be multiplied by itself to get one-hundred and twenty-five."

She stares up at me. Confusion is an understatement. "Whaaa-?"

I smile. "Five times five is?"

She perks up. "Twenty-five!" She's got it. She just doesn't know she has it.

"And twenty five times five is?"

"One-hundred and tw-" She smacks the table. "I get it!" There we go. "Cubed! Five is cubed! Three times! The answer's three!" She scribbles it down and slaps the pencil on the table. "YES!"

Then again, no one else would get this much satisfaction out of helping her. "Very nice, Yang." I massage her shoulders and place a kiss on her left cheek. "I'm very proud of you. Not just for accepting my help, but for swallowing your pride and asking for it."

She leans her head back and looks up at me. That smile could melt gold. She closes her eyes and pulls my hands down onto her breasts. "I've got another problem for you." She puckers up. Rolling my eyes, I scoff. Nevertheless, I close my eyes and kiss her.

She moans in delight and moves my hands around her breasts. I get the hint and start kneading her massive mounds. I suppose she's earned a break. I certainly don't mind indulging her.

Alas, my lungs demand oxygen, and I reluctantly break the kiss. Opening my eyes, I see her form a suspicious grin. "Yes, Yang?"

"I have an idea." Oh no. She jumps out of her chair and takes my hands in hers. "Let's go!" She pulls me along as she dashes out of our dorm.

"Yang. What is your idea?" She doesn't answer me as she runs down the stairs, still holding my hand. I could let go, if I really wanted to. We pass by the cafeteria, still under reconstruction. I smile as she leads me out of the building. How can I refuse her? "Are you going to propose to me?" THAT gets me a response.

"Hah!" She slows to a jog and spins me around her as if we're dancing. "First we graduate, Blake! No, I've got something a little less exciting in mind!" Confound it, Yang. She can be so sensible at the worst possible times.

She pulls me in and pecks me on the lips before breaking into a dash again, pulling me along. "Would you like to share this idea with me?"

"Just a few more seconds!" She yells back as we break off the walkway and dash towards the forest. We're not detouring. And judging from her trajectory, I believe that she intends to run into the trees.

"Yaaang?" I call to her, still holding her hand. I might have to anchor down and stop her with force.

"Here we are!" She comes to a halt right in front of the blood red forest. "Ta~da!" I just now realize that we ran full speed across four acres of terrain. This woman will either make me the fittest faunus on the planet, or she'll get me killed.

"What is so special about this particular section of the area?" I see an endless landscape of trees with red leaves hanging, falling, and on the ground. I look to my right. Yang lines herself up with me.

She straightens her hair, runs her hands over her clothes to smooth them out, and relaxes her stance. She holds our her left hand. "We're going to take a romantic walk through the woods."

I blink at her. If I didn't love her, I would probably smack her and walk back to our dorm. Fortunately for her, she's sucking up as much love as my heart can give. "Of course we are." I take my hand in hers. "Please keep in mind that i have never done this before. You'll have to teach me the ways of wood-walking."

She snickers at my sarcasm. "Don't worry, Blake. This'll be a routine story."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "I beg your pardon?"

She leads me into the woods, firmly gripping my hand. "This happens all the time in your romance novels. The two lovers walk through the woods, find a beautiful creek, skinny dip in it, start making out in it, grope each other in it, have full-on, unprotected sex in it, and live happily ever after!" Impressive. She's practically bleeding joy and charisma.

"That, Yang, is what the authors call smut." I gently tug on her arm to slow her down. "It barely clings to reality." Good, we're back to a stroll. "If you wanted to get me into bed, you should have stayed in the room with the actual bed."

She laughs. "Maybe I'll put you on a leash." She upgrades from holding my hand right hand to hugging the arm and leaning her head on my shoulder. "You're already part cat. I could give you a collar with one of those little dangly things that say, 'Property of Yang! Do not pop cherry!'" She giggles at her own thoughts. If she said that to just any faunus, she'd probably wind up in a hospital bed.

But if anyone did that, I'd kill them. "I believe that it is safe to say that both of our cherries, grapes, and balloons have been popped." I lean my head against hers, which starts bobbing up and down with giggling.

"Blake Belladonna Long! Such language!" How interesting. Blake Long?

"You not only admit that you are deliberately not proposing to me, but you have the audacity to slander my name with yours?" She nestles her head into my shoulder as we continue to stroll through these mysteriously red woods. She stops walking though, and pulls away from me.

I stop and look to her for an answer, but she takes my head in her hands and plants a soft kiss on my lips. I barely get to enjoy it before she pulls away. "Woman, I'm only going to say this once." She pushes her forehead against mine. "I'm as good as this gets. You could browse a thousand generations of faunus-loving lesbians and never find one even a third as caring as me." I smile and laugh.

I look back into her eyes. "I suppose you're right." This time, I place my hands on her cheeks and draw her into a kiss.

Ow.

Something just hit my left shoulder. I break the kiss and look up in the tree branches above me. "What's wrong, Blake?" If it weren't for my improved vision, I wouldn't see the Grimm squirrel perched on the edge of a branch, holding acorns in its arms and mouth. "Do you see something?" I see a foolish animal.

I glare up at the animal. "It's nothing, Yang. Just a-" It drops another acorn on me, this time hitting me square in the forehead. "Next meal!"

I immediately jump onto the tree trunk and start scampering up the tree. I can hear it laughing at me. How dare he. "BLAKE!" I hear Yang scream. "What are you doing?!"

I answer as I continue to climb the tree, closing in on my victim.

"WHAAAT?!" Unbelievable. Yang, love, it's not my fault if you can't speak hiss.

Speaking of hissing, I start doing that with aggression. I hop up onto the branch and start dashing towards the squirrel. Jumping to another tree will only delay your fate. I have you n-!

The branch snaps.

"BLAKE!" I hear her yell.

I'm falling, but I can definitely see that the wretched creature is laughing at me. Flailing my limbs, I hiss my last breath at thee, fowl creature.

"DON'T WORRY! I'LL CATCH YOU! I'LL-ACK!" I think she caught me. It's hard to tell. I only glance at her mangled corpse lying on the ground. This is not the time to be lying down on the job, Yang. That animal won't eat itself. Back up another tree I go, hissing all the way.

"No! No! Bad Blake, bad!" I look down to see she's climbing up after me. "Blake, you come down here right n-!"

"KKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSKKKKKKKKKHHHHHHH!"

That's right, human. Fall in terror of my might! Now, where's that blasted squirrel?

Ow!

Another acorn! Where'd it come from?! UP! To my right! I see it, about fifty feet above me! Is it-? It's trying to pee on me. It's now trying to PEE ON ME!

"KKKKKKKKKRAAAAAAWRAKKKKKKKKSSSSSHHH!"

Climb higher! Faster! I'll not be mocked by a rodent! I'm in jumping distance of the creature! It expects me to repeat my mistake? It DARES insult my intelligence?! I leap, shrieking a mighty war shriek! The squirrel runs out onto the edge of the branch! Excellent! I connect with the branch and with all of my strength, I yank!

The branch breaks! The squirrel is falling!

No wait, no it's not falling.

Wait, yes it is! I'm just falling with it! Luckily for me, I can land on my feet! HAHA! Your body will shatter like gl-!

The squirrel just landed on its feet. That vile rodent just survived my attack!

HOW DARE HE!

I land on the ground and dash off after it! He'll not escape his just desserts! With thine heart, thou dares laugh at I, the mightiest huntress! Thou shall be nothing short of CRUCIFIED for these actions against me!

"BLAAAKE!" Not now! I do NOT need you interrupting my hunt, pesky human!

"KKKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSKKKKKKKKKKHHHHHHHH!"

"Don't you hiss at me, woman! When I catch you, I'm going to either box your ears or make ferocious love to you! I dunno! I haven't really decided ye- ACK!"

Stupid human. I'm twenty feet ahead of you, and you didn't see me jump over that log? That's... that's... that's a dumb-dumb. Ow. Words. Thinker box hurts.

SQUIRREL!

Thou allies thyself with dumb-dumbs?! I show you dumb-dumbest of dumb-dumbs! You dead body!

You jump across creek?! You send Red and White dumb-dumbs to stop me?! I catch you anyway! You dead! Me eat! Me eat family! Me eat all squirrels!

"KKKKKKKKSSSSSSSKKKKKKKKKKKKKKHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKK!"

"SWEET LORD!"

"HIT THE DECK, WEISS!"

Creek getting closer! Red and White dumb-dumbs flee! Me jump!

"OH NO YOU DON'T!"

Big animal grab me from behind! We fall into cree-!

My body aches. I do not recall exerting myself on our stroll through the woods. Huh, I don't recall it being so cozy in the woods. I open my eyes. We're still in the woods. I don't remember us walking upon a creek. Why does Yang look unhappy? When did Ruby and Weiss join us? Why do they look embarrassed? Why am I lying against a tree? Why am I covered with Ruby's cloak? Why am I naked under Ruby's cloak? Why are my clothes missing?

"You're up." She says with absolutely no joy.

I shiver. "Unless I am experiencing a very deep coma-created unconscious reality, I believe so." I'm naked. Why am I naked? That feels like a very important question to me.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Her tone tells me that answering is paramount.

The taste of her lips, I remember fondly. "We were kissing." I answer. Her expression softens. "That's it." I look around, not sure of how deep in we are. "Are we lost?" I feel the warm summer sun beating down on me. Some time has passed, about an hour, I believe.

"You were crazy-!" Weiss begins, but Yang places a firm hand on her shoulder. "Fine! You tell her, Yang!"

"Tell me what?" I'm worried. Did I do something wrong?

Ruby kneels beside me and places a hand on my covered shoulder. "It's not your fault, Blake."

My worries are growing exponentially. "Would someone please explain to me why I am naked first?"

Yang sits down beside me. "I still don't believe it happened. You saw a squirrel and went all cat-killer on it." What?

"Cat-killer? What does that-?"

"It means you went CRAZY!" Weiss yells at me. "You chased a squirrel through twelve acres of naturally fortified, heavily wooded terrain!"

"You chased it up a few trees first," Yang adds. "I broke your hundred foot fall, by the way." Oh dear.

"And you would've KEPT chasing it, if Yang hadn't tackled you in the creek!" Weiss finishes, red in the face.

"I see." That is a very disturbing thought, but it still doesn't explain the lack of clothing. "Why am I naked?"

"Why do you THINK?! Yang tackled you! You two got soaked! There was only Ruby's cape to dry one person off, and our towels got soaked in the struggle, so then we had to dry off in the sun while you snoozed your way through it all!" She finally takes a breath.

"Weiss, please." Ruby moves to her and embraces the rather hotheaded woman. "It was still a very romantic moment." What?

I look to Yang. "Would you explain that part to me, please? I fear Weiss shall pop a blood vessel if she continues to do the talking."

"WHY YOU- MMH!" She doesn't finish, because Ruby shoves her tongue into her mouth. "Mmmrrrgh!"

Ruby breaks the kiss and looks to me. "Weiss and I were enjoying a quiet, romantic-" she falters. "Well, see, she was complaining about how we could never be alone in the regular pools, and I knew about this creek and so I decided to-" What a vivid image.

I lift up my hand. "You needn't speak another word. We needn't discuss this any further." I look around for my wares. "I shall dress myself. I am grateful for your stopping me, Yang."

"You're welcome, love." She can't stay mad at me either. "You don't have to worry about being decent in front of Team RWBY anymore, though. We've all seen you naked now."

What?

"Yang made us help her undress you," Weiss mutters as she crosses her arms and looks away.

"I see. I offer my apologies for putting you all through this uncomfortable situation." I stand up, and taking Yang's words to heart, remove the cloak and offer it to Ruby. "It was not my intention to do so." She takes the cape and stares at it.

She sighs. "I'm sure you keep your body spick and span." And so she puts it on. "After all, Yang wouldn't settle for anything that wasn't the best."

"You're preaching to the quire, sister." Yang takes my hand and leads me down to where my clothes are lying out in the sun. I see that a red beach towel and a white beach towel are also drying out. "But maybe I should look for a faunus who won't dump me for a badboy squirrel." Oh no. I'm never going to live this down.


End file.
